Last fall, fresh from several months spent travelling, I posted up down in a lovely rental to navigate some slowed down reentry time back into the world of work. I learned many things, like how long it really takes to effectively change gears. As I was learning some lessons, I noticed that there were several straggling fruit trees and rose bushes around my new home. I made sure to feed them, water them, and try to get them back online despite the fact that I knew I wouldn’t benefit from seeing fruit or flowers. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
I had no idea I would still be located at this same property lo these many months, but some massive disruptions (in all our lives) unfolded during the time we had planned to move. What has unfolded is a prolonged stay in a very lovely place. I had NO idea the roses I nurtured over the past few months would spring forth into the most beautiful blossoms. Seriously, have you ever seen a lavender rose before? My home is filled with vases of these gorgeous beauties, and the bushes outside are festooned with gigantic roses of every hue.
This got me to thinking about how sometimes the things we do to benefit someone else boomerang back as a gift for us. We know our brains are bathed in neural chemicals that can elicit different responses in us. Serotonin and Oxytocin are my two favorites. And as Simone Sinek tells us the perfect cocktail – EDSO – creates a well of safety for you and others. What is this magical cocktail you ask?
o Endorphins: The feel good rush we get from laughter and exercise.
o Dopamine: The satisfaction that arrives when we are focused on our goals, a feeling of accomplishment in a job well done. (This is a highly addictive chemical that can also be elicited from coffee, nicotine, overwork etc. Let loose it can end in distraction.)
The ED in EDSO are chemicals that we elicit for ourselves through our actions, so they are self-oriented. Only you can generate them only for yourself. What is really interesting is the SO (So Who do you love?) the Serotonin and Oxytocin are feel good chemicals we need others to release. Basically to feel good, we need to give it away.
o Serotonin: Is a feel good secretion whose purpose appears to help humans strengthen their bonds with one another. Think of challenging your team to a high goal, and you all GET IT DONE, and you get an award and you get to showcase your entire team. EVERYONE feels good – you and them, and the bonds of trust and togetherness deepen. That’s serotonin in action, and it’s a beautiful thing.
o Oxytocin: has also been called the Molecule of Trust. It is something we give away exclusively to others, and it helps us serve others. Most interesting, it turns out that it is contagious. Did you know by simply watching someone do something good for someone else releases the chemical in your brain, making you more likely to do something generous for someone else? For example, seeing someone give someone a helping hand, makes us more likely to lend a hand to someone in need.
Turns out generosity and empathy can be contagious, and that’s a good news message. In fact, the more oxytocin you help release in someone else, the less susceptible you are to the addictive nature of Dopamine or – ugh – cortisol. The more you can stave off cortisol, in you or anyone else, you are actually helping their immune system.
SO, I return to, who do you love? How do you create some sense of stability and safety for those around you? Apparently these laws of nature are all round us. Looks like the more you do the right thing, the more you and everyone else around you will bloom. And in times like these, it doesn’t get much better than that.
